Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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