You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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