i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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