Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have already put on my inside pants.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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