No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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