You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
from now on my penis is your penis
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
