you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
