Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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