I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
