ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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