i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
