tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
