I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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