I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
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Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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