I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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