My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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