oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
