after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
