Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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