i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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