if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think I won the penis lottery.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
