yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
