Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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