my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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