my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
