I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
