p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
