Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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