we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
