i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
