I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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