Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
