hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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