If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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