I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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