Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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