We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize