a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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