Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
