Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
