oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
