Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Acid is not a monday night drug
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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