drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
