After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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