sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You left your phone here
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