you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
