One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
God, I missed his penis.
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