I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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