don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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