I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
