If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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