pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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