He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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