we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
