I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
