Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
