So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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