Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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