Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
