Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
