when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
