Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
