I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
