i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
