i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I didn't notice because vodka
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
