the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We had to coat check the pizza.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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