Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
