I'm laying in your front yard are you home
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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