it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
