I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
